Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It Is Well With My Soul

I'm just going to write what is on my heart for the time being. I don't know why I decided to put the title as 'It is Well.' Maybe it is because that is the hymn that popped into my head as I was walking earlier. A lot of things popped into my mind. The one thing I didn't like was the sun on my back. I don't like the heat. I would rather have it be cold. That's what I have to say for those of you that it is actually feeling like fall. I wish it was here too. But no I am actually sweating. lol. Feels more like summer. Although the trees are shedding their leaves, laughing at me and saying I'm wrong. Well to get back to the real reason of this journal I guess. As I was saying many things popped into my mind. I thought primarily things about my future. I had ideas/plans for what I thought God had in store for me but now within the past few months I have seen that start to change. I can not give all my reasons why just now. My views and ideas of how my life and my walk with Christ should look like has grown. I have to thank my friends and family who have led me in wanting to grow closer to Christ daily and becoming more of a godly woman. I won't mention you by name but you know who you are.

One idea that has changed were my thoughts about homeschooling. Now don't get me wrong. I loved being home schooled and wouldn't change that for the world. But did I ever think of homeschooling my own children if God ever gave them to me. My answer would be..


My reason for this was because I thought I would be incapable of doing this or never being as good as my mom or some of the other ladies I know that have done it and still continue to do so. They are amazing!!! Well after having conversations with one person about what I had talked to a coworker about I feel quite firm now that I will home school. My friend asked me if I would want my children to have a worldly influence that I saw other children tend to have after being in public school? My answer to him was "No I would not." I do not like all the results and affects that the world has over the children I see nowadays. Now I know that the world will probably influence them in some way but I can hinder that as much as possible. I don't want my children to be influenced by the world but to have them follow in Christ's footsteps. One way I can do this is to teach them myself with the help of my husband whoever that may be and lead them to the Lord as my mom and dad did with me. That is what I will do now if God gives me the blessing of having kids.

I also thought a lot about having children as well. With my medical conditions my endocrinologist has told me that I will need to take medication to help with that. That doesn't mean that if I take medication that I will definitely be able to have children. I have also done some research online and found out that women with some of the medical conditions I have are more likely to have miscarriages. So it's like two strikes in a row which discourages me a little. I have prayed about this alot and even though I may not be able to have children on my own, I have decide that I would most likely would want to adopt if that was the case. That is of course my future husband agrees and is willing to think of adoption as an alternative. Those children need as much love as another child that I could try to have on my own. I have always had a desire to if I could be a missionary and work with orphans. Not many of you know that. Where as of right now it doesn't look like it is in the plans, plans can always change. Whether he calls me to go out and be a missionary and minister to them or he brings them to me to have me adopt I will wait on the Lord to see where he leads.

I also have been thinking about the job I am currently trying to pursue as I am finishing up my degree in the next couple of years with a BA in Child Development at California State University Northridge and hopefully becoming a Child Life Specialist at a Children's Hospital. I think it would be hard for me to have a job like this if I couldn't have children of my own or not being able to adopt any. I would grow to love those children like they were my own. I just don't think my heart as compassionate as my dad says it is could take that. I cry just thinking about that. I couldn't take it knowing that they weren't my own and that I would never be able to have any children to take care of at home.

These thoughts seem to be on my mind continuously but now even more so as I am growing older and thinking a lot more often about what God has in store for me for the future. So whatever God has in store for me all I can do is trust Him and say like the old hymn says "It is well. It is well with my soul."

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

August Academy (Day 2) God Had Other Plans

So I just finished my last blog about some 1-2-1 conversations I had during the Ambassadors Academy I went to. I mentioned in the previous blog I told my team leader and mentor that I was only going to be handing out tracts and streelight preaching at Hollywood and then when we went to Glendale I might get on the box and open air preach.

God had another plan than what I thought.

So after the girls and I were done with our conversations we joined the rest of our team in front of the subway station on Hollywood Blvd. Things went well there until we had a regular visitor come and set up some buckets as drums and some long sticks to bang on the buckets to make noise.

I saw my dad and said "Hi."

He then asked "Have you gotten up on the box?" with a little smirk.

"No." I replied.

Dad talked to me some more and one thing led to another and my dad asks a couple of the other guys on my team if I could cut and go up on the box and read Scripture. He would then talk about the Law and Gospel. He knew that if I didn't do it soon then I might not do it later. What do you think their answer was? Of course..


Dad proceeded to go to the drummer and asked if he would politely hold off drumming because I was going on the box for the first time.

The drummer said "No."

I was already on the box and would have to go on with him playing loud. My dad tells me that the drummer is not going to stop. "I was shaking up there on the box with the microphone in my hand and proceeded to read James 4:1-10.

I started crying..

"I can't do it."

I thought like getting down but dad kept encouraging me. I also heard someone clapping. Dad would later tell me the E.Z Zwayne did that. What a sweetheart! I did have my first heckler. A man heard me as he walked by and yelled out.

"That is boring!"

I kept going. I finally finished after what seemed I was standing there forever. I also thought that my microphone wasn't on and everyone said it was.


After that I just listened to my dad follow up with the law and the gospel. We gave each other a hug and dad told me how proud he was of me for just reading Scripture.

So that's how God had other plans for me that day at Hollywood. :)