Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It Is Well With My Soul

I'm just going to write what is on my heart for the time being. I don't know why I decided to put the title as 'It is Well.' Maybe it is because that is the hymn that popped into my head as I was walking earlier. A lot of things popped into my mind. The one thing I didn't like was the sun on my back. I don't like the heat. I would rather have it be cold. That's what I have to say for those of you that it is actually feeling like fall. I wish it was here too. But no I am actually sweating. lol. Feels more like summer. Although the trees are shedding their leaves, laughing at me and saying I'm wrong. Well to get back to the real reason of this journal I guess. As I was saying many things popped into my mind. I thought primarily things about my future. I had ideas/plans for what I thought God had in store for me but now within the past few months I have seen that start to change. I can not give all my reasons why just now. My views and ideas of how my life and my walk with Christ should look like has grown. I have to thank my friends and family who have led me in wanting to grow closer to Christ daily and becoming more of a godly woman. I won't mention you by name but you know who you are.

One idea that has changed were my thoughts about homeschooling. Now don't get me wrong. I loved being home schooled and wouldn't change that for the world. But did I ever think of homeschooling my own children if God ever gave them to me. My answer would be..

No.

My reason for this was because I thought I would be incapable of doing this or never being as good as my mom or some of the other ladies I know that have done it and still continue to do so. They are amazing!!! Well after having conversations with one person about what I had talked to a coworker about I feel quite firm now that I will home school. My friend asked me if I would want my children to have a worldly influence that I saw other children tend to have after being in public school? My answer to him was "No I would not." I do not like all the results and affects that the world has over the children I see nowadays. Now I know that the world will probably influence them in some way but I can hinder that as much as possible. I don't want my children to be influenced by the world but to have them follow in Christ's footsteps. One way I can do this is to teach them myself with the help of my husband whoever that may be and lead them to the Lord as my mom and dad did with me. That is what I will do now if God gives me the blessing of having kids.

I also thought a lot about having children as well. With my medical conditions my endocrinologist has told me that I will need to take medication to help with that. That doesn't mean that if I take medication that I will definitely be able to have children. I have also done some research online and found out that women with some of the medical conditions I have are more likely to have miscarriages. So it's like two strikes in a row which discourages me a little. I have prayed about this alot and even though I may not be able to have children on my own, I have decide that I would most likely would want to adopt if that was the case. That is of course my future husband agrees and is willing to think of adoption as an alternative. Those children need as much love as another child that I could try to have on my own. I have always had a desire to if I could be a missionary and work with orphans. Not many of you know that. Where as of right now it doesn't look like it is in the plans, plans can always change. Whether he calls me to go out and be a missionary and minister to them or he brings them to me to have me adopt I will wait on the Lord to see where he leads.

I also have been thinking about the job I am currently trying to pursue as I am finishing up my degree in the next couple of years with a BA in Child Development at California State University Northridge and hopefully becoming a Child Life Specialist at a Children's Hospital. I think it would be hard for me to have a job like this if I couldn't have children of my own or not being able to adopt any. I would grow to love those children like they were my own. I just don't think my heart as compassionate as my dad says it is could take that. I cry just thinking about that. I couldn't take it knowing that they weren't my own and that I would never be able to have any children to take care of at home.

These thoughts seem to be on my mind continuously but now even more so as I am growing older and thinking a lot more often about what God has in store for me for the future. So whatever God has in store for me all I can do is trust Him and say like the old hymn says "It is well. It is well with my soul."

3 comments:

Misty*Dawn said...

Michelle, you are such an inspiration to me. God has truly blessed me with your friendship! I love you sweetheart!! NOW, as far as your future, always remember that God sees the desires of the heart and He knows you better than you know yourself. I once thought that I would never have children because of so many terrible things in my past. BUT God was so very gracious to me! He gave me 4! And, He also knows mine and Scott's desire to adopt. Once our finances are back in order (If God sees fit to allow them to be) we are seriously going to look into adoption. Keep your head up and your eyes upon Him! He is soooo amazing and graciously kind!
I love you and your family so very much! ~Misty Bryant~

Melissa said...

Wow, Michelle! What a great blog!
Just got done reading your blog ,what a great article on "It Is Well with my Soul",loved it.
I pray and hope if it's God's will that He will provide you and your future Godly husband lots and lots of children (even if you have to adopt them). I will be praying for you girl! Remember, what we were talking about on yoville about children :) Well, hope you're having a great week and hope to see you soon!

Love you lots,

Kelli Wilder said...

Michelle, thanks so much for sharing your heart! It's awesome that you're thinking through so many things right now. That's EXACTLY what you should be doing during this sweet time in your life. It seems that your heart is to be a wife and mom. I found a site that you may want to check out--www.visionarydaughters.com. You may or may not agree with everything. I may or may not as well--I haven't had the chance to check it out well but you may find some encouragement from other sisters in Christ who are at the same stage of life as you. LOVE your heart and your willingness to love our Lord and grow in Him. Love ya, sis!
Kelli Wilder from KY