Death

Death...

People don't like to talk much about death. When you first think of death do you think about joy or do you think about sorrow and tears? Honestly I think about the latter more than the former. Death and dying scares me. Just recently I thought I might have come close to it.

How?

Well almost two weeks ago I decided to go to Disneyland and Disney California Adventure one last time because my family is moving to Iowa. Earlier that morning my stomach had felt a little queasy but I figured that was because of nervousness and excitement. I drove down there, rode two rides and was waiting in line for the third ride when all of a sudden my vision became hazy. For a moment I thought it was because the lights were dim but then I knew something was dreadfully wrong. My eyelids began to feel very heavy like I couldn't lift them and I became lightheaded and felt like I was going to faint. My knees started to give way. Luckily my two friends realized something was wrong and called for help. They held me up because I could not stand myself. I passed out. When I came to I was being seated in a wheel chair and my blood pressure was extremely low. Sitting helped and the nurses decided to cancel the paramedics coming to take me to the hospital. They rushed me to the nurses station and my blood pressure continued to climb back up. I'm not sure why this occurred as it wasn't like I hadn't been on the rides before. I had never had an issue like this before. I was super scared. I was brought home by my parents. I'm feeling fine now but after seeing the doctor I still have no idea why it happened or what happened exactly. Going to see a cardiologist once we get to Iowa. I pray it isn't a heart condition.

Anyways it made me think about my mortality and death in general.

On top of that my pastor in Iowa's father passed away recently and I listened to the Sunday Sermon with my family which was on the subject. He talked about how his father was ready for death. How he would tell everyone it's okay. Hearing that made me cry because I wondered if I would have said the same thing that day at Disneyland. I don't think I would have. That led me to ask myself why? Why wouldn't I? I started to doubt if I was saved. Wondering if I'm truly saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone who died on the cross to take my place at Calvary. Wondering why death and dying scares me. Why don't I have joy and peace that I would be with Christ?

I ask that you would keep me in your prayers for my health and as I ask myself these questions. I ask that you would also as yourselves the questions I mentioned above.

This Thanksgiving let us all be thanking God that he has given us another day to live. Time is short and precious. Don't waste your life. Don't wait to do anything or think you can do it a different day because eternity could just be seconds away.. Go share the Gospel- the way to eternal life with someone today.

Music

For as long as I can remember music in one form or another has always been a part of my family. My first memory of it was hearing my dad's voice singing a song he had written just special for me. I can not recall the whole song but the part I do I cherish very much and plan on it being one of the songs my dad and I dance to when I get married. I look forward to that day.

Another fond memory is when my dad would play the guitar and lead the family, my mom, 2 sisters and I in worship in the evening at our house. How I miss those days. My favorite worship song was and still is to this day "As the Deer". Something (whether it was the lyrics, or the way it was sung of a combination of both) just seemed to bring me at peace at the foot of the cross. I remember how thrilled I was when I finally learned to play that song on the piano and when I was able to play it with my dad accompanying me on his guitar. Thankfully my mom captured that moment on videotape. It was a dream of mine to one day play piano on my church's worship team. I remember I loved to sing though I was not good at it.

I remember the first concerts I attended were 4Him and Point of Grace together and then later on Michael W. Smith. My grandparents and mom instilled a deep love for musicals at an early age. Every birthday my grandparents would take me to see some sort of musical. First it was a Wild West show, then Grease, then Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, then Carousel and lastly Mamma Mia. For that I am truly grateful. My favorite musical to this day is Oklahoma.

I think my life would be truly depressing sometimes if not for all the songs that fill my heart and mind. I can't imagine what my life would be like now without music and the impact it's had on my life has been huge.

I can also remember how once playing music I brought someone to tears...

I had been taking piano lessons and about twice a year my teacher would have all of her students play a couple pieces at a recital. Well I remember I had asked my grandma what her favorite hymn was. She told me it was "Old Rugged Cross." I chose it for one of my pieces and practiced it tell I could do it well. Well the day came for the recital and my grandparents came as they normally did. My grandma had forgotten her glasses so she couldn't read what I would be playing. After bowing I took my seat on the bench and started playing "Old Rugged Cross." According to my mom who was sitting next to her at the time, she glanced over at her and saw tears streaming down her face. When the recital was done she came up to me and gave me a hug. I will never forget that look on my grandma's face of love and gratitude for as long as I live.

Even though later on I would decide to stop taking piano lessons due to being lazy and school getting harder I still have a keyboard and my music book yellowed with age and can still play Old Rugged Cross. I love that song now too. Not only for the fond memory of yesteryear but the words ring very true. I will always cherish the cross and my Savior, Jesus Christ who died for me.

Music is a beautiful gift from God.